These foods should be wiped off the planet before they poison the minds of more innocent souls. graphic by Laine Gaherty
A curated list with an explanation of the most overrated foods that people pretend to enjoy consuming.
Pie
Even the word sounds gross…. P i e. Imagine you see a crusty, flakey pastry, you take a large bite, and all you get is chunky lukewarm fruit. If you are gonna put fruit in a dessert, the produce better be completely ground up, or in a cold, full, natural state.
Turkey
This meat is one of the most overrated Thanksgiving foods ever; the consistency is dry and stringy. If you enjoy the idea of biting into a dried yet worn piece of cardboard, this is definitely the food for you.
Pepper
As a society, everyone could easily just get by on salt. Who actually thinks to themselves, “oh this could really use some pepper?” Nobody.
Raw Tomatoes
They taste like watered down, seedy, rotten apples. The only situation where a tomato tastes good is in the form of a soup or sauce. People who enjoy simply plucking a tomato off of a plant and gnawing away at the fruit have some serious problems.
Coffee
I know coffee is not technically a food, but I had to cover this abomination considering the beverage acts like a drug. The dark liquid tastes awful, but the more people consume it the more they like coffee and depend on it for energy. Why do people start drinking the beverage if they are just gonna depend on it for the rest of their life? Also, this beverage is super bad for your teeth, and it’s outrageously expensive.
Milk Chocolate
People who consume milk chocolate over dark chocolate are willingly weak. Dark chocolate has actual flavor, and the treat does not consist of pure sugar. Milk Chocolate is not even chocolate; it’s just sugar with a sprinkle of cacao.
Non Sweet Potato Fries
Sweet potato fries are one of the best foods out there, and yet they are consistently overshadowed by plain fries. Plain fries are good on rare occasions, but wouldn’t you much rather have some fries that combine sweet and savory flavors?
Plain Potato Chips
There are salt and vinegar chips and barbecue chips, and yet you decide to grab the plain potato chips? What is wrong with you? They are bland and sometimes taste like straight up cooking oil. Not a good choice.
Mac N’ Cheese
This dish is just too cheesy. Your senses get overloaded every time you eat Mac N’ Cheese, and then you have to drink a gallon of water just to feel like you can breathe again. White cheddar Mac N’ Cheese is acceptable to eat in my book, but double yellow cheddar cheese with a side of mac is just too much.
S’mores
They are dry and oftentimes don’t even have a solid flavor that tastes good. The chocolate is cold, and, if you burn your marshmallow (which is more often than not), you can literally taste the burnt crispy fire. I would much rather eat each component of the s’more separately.
Blueberry Muffins
Once again, biting into a good sugary bread like substance and getting a random chunk of fruit is just unsettling and disgusting. Pass.
Seaweed
There is always that one kid who brings the big container of just straight up seaweed and eats the snack like it’s some heavenly substance. Seaweed is bitter and salty, and it’s difficult to swallow.
Pecans
Why do people put these disgusting chunks of sandpaper in desserts? They completely ruin anything they touch. If someone brings a dessert to lets say a dinner party, and I take a nibble only to get a tiny hint of anything not part of the original dessert, my whole day is ruined. Also people never pronounce the nut right; it’s PEE – CAN.
Deep Dish Pizza
You can never eat more than one slice, and if you do, your stomach is messed up for DAYS. The crust is always soggy, and you are basically eating your body weight in cheese and sauce.
Ranch
The only thing that ranch should be on is salad and carrots. People who put ranch on their pizza, chicken nuggets, and wings are soulless creatures. Pizza should not be dipped in anything and oftentimes wings shouldn’t be either (unless it’s BBQ sauce). Obsessive use of ranch is gross. The only reason someone should willingly consume ranch is if there is not a bottle of ketchup in sight.
Popsicle’s
Popsicle’s are perfect, until you get down to the unfinished piece of wood that your teeth are forced to scrape against. I physically will not finish my popsicle if it means I can possibly avoid seeing that cursed piece of wood.
Plain Greek Yogurt
This food item is flavorless and absurdly bland, and I’m convinced that people shove it down their throats just because it’s labeled as “healthy” instead of actually enjoying eating it. Without a heaping tone of sweetener or fruit, plain greek yogurt is just disgusting.
In conclusion, if you like these foods, you are wrong. I won’t judge you in the slightest if you admit that you have been continuing to eat these foods to comply with social norms.
