Tuesday April 6th
Wow, is it April already? I guess that’s what I get for laziness. Anyway, never fear, more sarcasm is here, elongated to make up for the lack of picks and pains.
First up on the chopping block, the Kung-Fu Kid. No, not the Karate Kid, because in China, where the new movie takes place, they practice Kung-Fu. Not Karate. Hollywood milked this series dry a long time ago, ruining it with sequels already, and it makes me sad that they honor Mr. Miyagi by making another. Jackie Chan is his replacement. Really? I mean….really? And Jaden Smith, Will Smith’s son, is the protagonist. Just because you’re the son of one of the greatest actors of all time doesn’t mean you can act too.
How to Train Your Dragon is actually pretty good. I was surprised. I originally wanted to see it only because of all the awesome actors lending their voice talents, especially late-night stand-up comedian Craig Ferguson. But, I was surprised to find that the movie was fun and entertaining, more so than the title suggests. And Craig Ferguson had me rolling in the aisles.
Two words, my friends. Kick-A**. This movie looks hilarious and awesome, and not just because it has Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin), but because it looks like an original story for once! A superhero movie about superheroes without powers: sign me up!
A giant face-palm to sequels in general, especially Resident Evil: Afterlife, National Treasure 3, Eclipse, Ghost Rider 2, and Anchorman 2. Sequels are usually the spawn of Satan, ruining all you might have held dear about the first movie. I mean, the Resident Evil games themselves are a jumble of random confusing stories, and the movies are horrible! They have always been lame with no real plot, like a Quentin Tarantino action flick without his witty dialogue, so who gave the okay on that idea? And National Treasure 2 was garbage! Enough is enough already! However, Toy Story 3 and Iron Man 2 look promising. We’ll have to see on those.
And my last pain goes to the 3-D fad. I’m sick and tired of movies in “eye-popping 3-D!!!” It’s annoying, and ridiculous. I had enough when it started, and it’s just getting worse. The number of seizures and epilepsy cases are going to skyrocket, mark my word.
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Wednesday February 24th
I have ranted numerous times about Hollywood having next to nothing when it comes to creativity these days. My small sliver of hope for originality just got smaller. New from director M. Night Shama-llama-ding-dong, Avatar: The Last Airbender! Because Avatar is a totally original name, and it’s not like the cartoon was good enough as just a cartoon…right?
The hype just can’t get any higher for Tim Burton’s take on Alice in Wonderland. I, however, am quite skeptical. I’ll give it a pain, mostly because it will take a lot to make me thing Burton has anything original left in his pockets. Just because you have a star-studded cast in your acid trip of a movie, doesn’t mean I’ll bow to your every command, O Burton.
Shutter Island. DiCaprio stars in director Martin Scorcese’s new mind-blowing thriller. I. Want. To. See. This. I’ve only heard great things about it.
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Thursday, February 11th
So sappy love story Dear John tops the box office this weekend and finally knocks Avatar off its throne. I don’t know whether to be glad that the hype is finally dying down, or pained that it was a love story that defeated the giant that was Cameron’s Avatar. I’ll give it a pick, because overall, I’m tired of everyone getting all teary eyed about giant Smurfs playing Star Wars.
John Travolta as a bald, goatee-sporting maniac who shoots and/or kills everything in his way? No. Just no. Liam Neeson in Taken? Awesome. John Travolta in From Paris With Love? Creepy.
In a stunning switch from movies to other entertainment, local band Flobots is nearing completion of their second album. They’ve released a single entitled White Flag Warrior, with guest vocalist Tim McIlrath from Rise Against, and it sounds awesome. I can’t wait for the new album.
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Wednesday, February 3rd
I have two horrible pains this week: that they made not one, but two new Pink Panther movies with Steve Martin, and that I forgot to mention that terrible experience in my worst remakes editorial.
Cristoph Waltz received a Golden Globe for his role as SS Colonel Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds. He better get the Oscar, or I will have lost all faith in the Academy.
The Wolfman looks ridiculous. It is also another movie remake. Based on nearly every other remake out there, I’m not looking forward to it too much.
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Wednesday, January 27th
Avatar may have a cut-and-paste script, but it is visually amazing and absolutely worth all of the hype.
Am I the only one who thinks that every preview of Legion just makes it more and more ridiculous?
