Editorial: Movie Remakes are destroying the classics.
Artwork by Anna Becker
Is originality dead? Are movie scriptwriters having so much trouble coming up with original ideas that they have to steal the classics to make money? We already know that Lucasfilm Ltd. will gladly do anything to their greatest franchises to make more dough, a la Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, which killed the epic trilogy, and making a new Clone Wars cartoon that is just one gigantic face-palm. But do other classics need to be remade, or have sequels? To what ends will Hollywood go to make money? I, for one, say enough is enough.
One of the coolest movies I saw as a kid, or at least one of the ones I was most fascinated with, was Willly Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. The movie was uplifting, inspiring, ridiculous, and hilariously kooky. Gene Wilder (Young Frankenstein) filled the role perfectly, making Wonka a half-crazed, mysterious, and sweet fool. It may not have been a true classic, but it was a classic by all my accounts. Then, in 2005, Tim Burton destroyed everything I held dear about the movie. Remade, and redubbed as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I was not excited whatsoever about the new version. “Why remake something that was already good?” I thought to myself; which is a question I have asked for every remake that has been done. With Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean) as Wonka, and Tim Burton (Edward Scissorhands) directing, I had some hope, but that was until I saw the first trailer. Gene Wilder’s Wonka was kooky and funny, while Depp’s Wonka came across as pale, creepy, and disturbing. My first thought was, “I thought Johnny Depp was supposed to play Wonka, not Michael Jackson.” I watched half of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and walked out. I lost faith in Tim Burton. I want to see what his incredible, dark, twisted mind can create, not re-create.
Psycho, Alfred Hitchcock’s 1960’s era thriller, strikes fear into the hearts of everyone who watches it. Hitchcock combines amazing camera angles, a completely original story and an amazing script with an insane twist, making it one of my top favorite movies of all time. I had hoped this classic was untouchable, but in 1998 it too was ruined. Directed by Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting), some pretentious nutjob, who somehow got it in his thick head that he could make Hitchcock’s classic better than Hitchcock, and from then on, he has earned a spot next to Osama Bin Laden and Kim Jong Il on my list of people to hate forever. Except it seemed that he realized halfway through that he couldn’t make it better than Hitchcock, and proceeded to do a shot-for-shot copy. So what was the point again? “Well since I can’t compete on any level Hitchcock has ever been on,” thinks Van Sant, “I’ll just make it modern! Yeah!” Starring Vince Vaughn (Vince Vaughn? Really?) as creepy hotel owner Norman Bates, this version is one of the many blemishes on the posteriors of moviemaking.
Remakes can come in the form of sequels, too. The Love Bug introduced the world to Herbie, the Volkswagen Beetle with a mind of its own, in 1969. This movie warmed the hearts of many, myself included. There were many sequels, each was better than the last, although none could live up to the original, but it wasn’t until 2005 that Herbie’s image was forever tarnished. Herbie Fully Loaded completely ruined the little Volkswagen, and made the Beetle a laughingstock once more. The story was weak, the animation was mostly CGI (rather than the real stunts characteristics of the original), Lindsay Lohan (enough said), and Herbie’s image was replicated poorly. Okay, maybe he just got a new paint job, but he just looks bad! The characteristic 53 is painted differently, and his stripes are not on the roof. The story is the worst part: Herbie goes from junkyard, to street racer, to demo derby, to NASCAR. Explain to me how this progression makes sense. Thank you Disney for ruining another part of my childhood.
It doesn’t seem to click with moviemakers that remakes are evil. If a movie is great how it is, LEAVE IT ALONE! We don’t need sequels fifty years later either! I didn’t want to see old man Indiana Jones, and I really don’t want to see eighty-year-old Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Hunt For the Missing Teeth. Sequels are rarely a good thing, as evidenced by Son of the Mask, The Next Karate Kid, The Godfather III, Night at the Museum 2, The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions, Batman and Robin, and so many more. The list of remakes is growing too! The Incredible Hulk, Bangkok Dangerous, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Fog, Friday the 13th, Alice in Wonderland, and now they’re making another Karate Kid! I can’t stand it. Movies are barely worth watching now. This message is for you, Hollywood Bigwigs: please stop making remakes and sequels. Otherwise, an angry mob will cheer as the Hollywood sign burns.
THE TOP TEN WORST REMAKES EVER
10. The Incredible Hulk (even worse than the 2003 Hulk)
9. Dawn of the Dead
8. The Fog
7. The Day the Earth Stood Still
6. The Wicker Man
5. Poseidon
4. Death Race
3. Planet of the Apes
2. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
1. Psycho
