Students such as Ayah Almutkassi experience stress as finals approach. photo by Kaylee Held
The real feeling of stress.
Shakingcryinghysterical. Can’t overcome this,
trying, but as it breaks backs and stands on shoulders
pushing legs deeper into the quicksand of failure,
relaxation cannot defeat the beast.
The screaming within blocks out all outside noise-
But the world will never hear.
My face is blank. Expressionless.
I can’t show my thoughts
I can’t show my feelings
I can’t show my tears.
I can’t.
The bonds held so dear are shredded
by the lack of attention or compassion towards the people I love.
I don’t want to tell them.
I don’t want anyone to know.
I don’t want to express my true pain.
They won’t have the answers.
No one will understand.
People ask what they can do but how to
physically describe
how it feels?
The same “remedies” have been shared thousands of times,
exhausted from trying to find what helps.
Deep breath,
Hold…
2…
3…
Okay.
While blowing sanity away,
The beast laughs.
Choking on the words that feel as if I’m swallowing glass shards.
The overbearing emotions are held within one’s throat.
while trying to say the right words to express all the feelings inside,
But all that escapes is:
I’m fine, don’t worry.
But this fine is not fine.
I am the opposite of fine.
The feeling of “fine” is what I’ve grown accustomed to,
It is normal.
My mind is torn in two. I don’t understand how to put a smile on my face.
At the same time, this brain-numbing stress turns to frustration.
What is wrong with me?
Why can’t I get over this?
Come on, grow up.
I’m trying, but how do I explain that I’m
fighting between spirit and mental health.
My mind can’t wrap itself around how
I am fighting with myself
and losing…
