Robin Hood is just another summer blockbuster.
Since when is Robin Hood – that brave thief that steals from the rich and gives to the poor – an epic war hero who carves a bloody swath through a sea of Frenchmen?
It’s hard not to know the legend of Robin Hood and his Merry Men who ridicule the corrupt King John and his servant, the Sheriff of Nottingham, but I wasn’t aware that he was also a war hero of Lord of the Rings proportions. Sure, it’s a fresh take on the series, and as far as I know it follows a more historic and less fairy tale-ish route, but even if this is just a prelude to the legends of the Hooded Man, it doesn’t add up with what is usually associated with the rest of the story.
Let’s be honest here, the opening scene is one of the most ridiculous, unneeded, and downright strange scenes I’ve ever seen. A group of children or little people run through the woods and raid the barn of Maid Marion (Kate Blanchett, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) herself. She grabs a bow, noches an arrow, lights the tip on fire, then fires right at the feet of one of the things. As the light illuminates the figure, we see the fearsome vandal is an Ewok. I didn’t know they traveled outside of Endor! Okay, bad Star Wars jokes aside, the boy is carrying a sharp stick, wearing a cloth mask that looks like the offspring of the Jeepers Creepers monster and Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and gurgling like he’s got phlegm in his throat. Why? Just, why? I would really prefer the cute, cuddly, bear-like Ewoks than some crazed boys, and it would probably make just as much sense.
Anyway, after that we get to the real storyline: a soldier by the name of Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe, State of Play) is fighting alongside King Richard as he pillages his way through France back home from his Crusades. After the first defenses of the castle are broken, the soldiers celebrate that night. Robin gets into a fight with Little John, before they become best friends, and accidentally knock over the King. When the King asks Robin if his Crusades made God happy, Robin tells the truth and says no, landing him and his friends in the stockades. However, the King is slain by a cook’s arrow, which is rather ironic, and so one of Robin’s compatriots frees him and his band of loyal men.
As Robin and company escape, we learn of a double-crosser by the name of Godfrey (Mark Strong, Kick A**) who is friends with Prince John of England (Oscar Isaac, Body of Lies) and King Phillip of France. Godfrey is assigned by the King of France to take out the King of England, and create a weak nation to invade. However, when Godfrey’s band of assassins ambush the King’s loyal knights sent to deliver the crown to Prince John, they do not find the King. It’s just a wonderful coincidence when Robin’s men are also traveling through the same forest, so after a short battle in which Robin scars Godfrey, Robin decides to loot the knights, take their armor, and use it as their passage back to England. But one of the knights, Sir Robert Loxley, makes Robin swear to return his father’s sword to Nottingham as his final wish. Robin is iffy about fulfilling this request, but when he sees an encryption on the sword that reads, “Rise and Rise again, until Lambs become Lions,” it jogs his memory. Robin decides to find out exactly what the encryption means.
We cut to a couple of scenes here and there describing Nottingham, and life in the small English town. Maid Marion is not the damsel in distress usually associated with her character, but a fiery noble woman who has been reduced to a state of poverty. Nottingham has been taxed to death, and is losing half of its grain to the Church of York. Marion most politely tells the priest that he’s a twit, and storms off. In another scene we see her helping to push a plow, and then being harassed by the honorable Sheriff of Nottingham. As I watched this, I began to suspect that Kate Blanchett only took the role if she was going to be just as heroic and honorable as Russell Crowe’s Robin Hood was.
After Robin returns to England and hands the crown over to new King John, under the guise of Sir Robert Loxley, he heads north to Nottingham. At the same time, King John decides that it’s time to tax more, and appoints Godfrey to start taxing the people by any means necessary. So, Godfrey takes a thousand French soldiers and begins to plunge the country into a civil war. Robin returns the sword to Robert Loxley’s father, the blind, old, Sir Walter Loxley, and is forced to stay as his son. Now that’s a little far fetched. Loxley’s son dies, so his first action is to make Robin fill Robert’s shoes? And fill them completely, making him his heir, and making Marion his wife? It’s hard to take seriously.
Robin dons the hood, steals the grain back from the Church to help the poor, and slowly wins the favor of Marion and Loxley senior. Robin, an orphan since age six, finally learns that he was born in Nottingham, that the encryption was written by his father, that his father was a visionary who came up with a set of ideas similar to the Magna Carta, and that he was executed for not giving up the names.
While Robin’s having flashbacks, Godfrey’s killing in the name of King John, Phillip is bringing an army to England, and the Barons are marching against the King. They all meet as a last chance to unify against the new threat, and after a heartwarming speech from Robin, King John agrees to write a document that ensures that the Barons would be given various freedoms they did not have under tyranny. However, Godfrey finally reaches Nottingham and kills Loxley senior, almost destroying the entire village in the process.
The rest of the movie is easy to guess, but I won’t ruin it. We know Robin becomes an outlaw and lives in the woods, but what’s odd is that he joins the Ewoks. Sure they’re both outcasts, but it’s just odd how the orphan boys show up time and time again in the background, and are never ever explained. Also, our main evildoer Godfrey does little more than look intimidating, slaughter defenseless peasants, and run away. In every battle until the last battle he flees whenever Robin arrives. That’s not exactly evil villain material there. And call me nitpicky, but I thought Robin Hood was supposed to be lighthearted and funny, not somber and dark. Russell Crowe would not have been my first choice for Mr. Hood. Last, but not least, the Sheriff of Nottingham, one of Robin’s fiercest foes, has barely any role at all. He appears three or four times, tries to be scary, or cowers from the French, and does nothing else.
The acting aside from Crowe was pretty good, but the camera angles were what blew me away. There are two scenes where Robin fires an arrow, and it’s done in slow motion with an extreme close up on the bow and arrow. It’s an impressive scene, and the sets look pretty authentic. However, the whole thing is just mediocre. Not good, not bad, but worth seeing.
