101 Things I Hate (In No Particular Order)

Me, surrounded by gargantuan piles of filth. Filth is one of the many things I find aggravating, distressing, vaguely grotesque, or otherwise unpleasant.  photo by Ravi Apte

Here are 101 actions, animals, and ideas with which I heartily disagree.

If you were to ask me what I like, I would probably have to think about it a bit.

If you were to ask me what I hate, however, I would respond rather quickly, and my response would most likely involve one of the following 101 things:

1. Wasps. Why exactly do wasps exist? They serve no purpose other than being an evil, winged violation of my human rights. At times, I have genuinely questioned if they might be worse than mosquitoes. They aren’t, but the fact that I even had to think about it at all says more than enough. 
2. Mosquitoes. Speak of the devil. Usually, that’s an idiom, but not in this case. Mosquitoes were spawned in the flaming pits of Tartarus, and everyone would be happier if they went back. Nobody would cry if they went extinct. Nobody. 
3. Eggplants. Not all vegetables are terrible. Potatoes are tasty. Lettuce is crisp. Beets are nice and red. Eggplants are nasty and have no redeeming qualities. These abominations are one of the few foods I’ve eaten that actively make me gag and want to die. 
4. Yo Gabba Gabba! Of all the terrible children’s shows that exist out there, this horrifying nightmare of a program is by far the most traumatizing. I’m pretty sure I cried watching this as a child, and not because it was sad. 
5. Sweat. I know it’s a natural bodily function and all, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. The way it drips down my body just makes me feel… viscerally wet and unpleasant. 
6. Botflies. If you don’t know what these are, then good. If you do, I’m sorry, and you know why they’re on this list. 
7. The exploitation of children through child labor. Childhood is a time for fun before life starts to suck. Do we really need to steal that away from all those carefree brats? 
8. The number 8. No matter how hard you try, it will never be symmetrical, and there’s nothing you can do about it. 
9. People who say that ketchup is just tomatoes, and that I’m weird for not liking tomatoes but liking ketchup. It’s NOT the same, and I swear, if you tell me that ketchup is just mashed up tomatoes, It will not be a good time for anybody. 
10. When somebody eats the heavily seasoned potato chip or cracker that I had been saving for last. Are you actually kidding me? This is easily one of the most disrespectful actions a person could possibly take towards me, and doing so will probably invoke a burning hatred towards you for all of eternity. 
11. McCabe Brockett. He’s my friend, and I hate him. When I asked for a quote, he said, “I be rolling with that Bhutanese Shadow Garden Grown Dark Evil Pack.” I can’t even begin to understand what that means, but it sounds intimidating and vile. To be honest, I don’t hate McCabe, but he requested a spot on this list and I obliged. 
12. When I think I’m at the bottom of the stairs, but there’s actually another step and I fall and it hurts. Although this usually only happens when it’s dark out. Even I’m not clumsy enough to plummet down the stairs in broad daylight. Nobody could be THAT stupid, right? 
13. Fanfiction. No. 
14. 4Chan. There are some things the world would be better off without. This abomination of a website is one of those things. 4Chan is worse than Reddit. That is simultaneously an impressive and distressing feat. 
15. People who are mean to retail workers. Does being a jerkwad to some random person just doing their job make you feel more powerful? Does it help inflate your pathetic, reeling ego? 
16. People who act like jerks and then turn around and play the victim when they’re finally accused of their awful behavior. Do I really need to justify this one? 
17. One Piece. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST END ALREADY, NOBODY CARES. 
18. When I get slammed with a +4 in Uno with one card left. They were saving it. They were definitely saving it. Don’t you want this stupid game to end? 
19. When I don’t get a green arrow. How exactly am I supposed to make a left through an endless stream of motor vehicles? Why is it necessary to make me sit here for another six minutes just so I can end up not making the light because some other idiot runs the red? 
20. Unfunny memes. The problem with memes is how fast they spread. If a meme that happens to suck gets spread around, then that’s all you’re gonna be seeing for the next four months. Have fun! 
21. When I haven’t saved in hours and the game crashes. I know I should save more, but I always forget, because the game is just too riveting. Well, time to redo that entire story arc, I guess. 
22. Comedians who try too hard. Comedy is almost always funny in at least one way. If your comedy is actively NOT funny, you’ve done something very, very wrong. 
23. Barney the Purple Dinosaur. Nobody cares, Barney. Nobody respects you. 
24. When my back hurts for literally no reason. Seriously, why does it feel the need to do this? I’m only 17. That’s way too young for chronic back pain. 
25. Sand. It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere.
26. People who hate anime solely because it exists. Yes, a lot of it is bad, but saying you hate anime is like saying you hate video games. It’s a pretty big genre, and there are some pretty decent shows out there. But yeah, most of it is terrible. 
27. When the road is closed but I can’t tell until I’ve already turned. And now I have to reverse out or attempt a U-turn and it’s always a massive pain. 
28. People who make human-walls in hallways. Do these people realize that other people exist? Do they know what the word “respect” means? For the love of all that is holy, just move faster than two feet per hour or get out of the way so I can get past you. I understand that you may not have places to be, but I do. 
29. When I get fooled by clever tricksters on the internet. Like, I’ll click a link and then I get a virus. Wonderful. Thank you so much for that. 
30. Those tiny ⓧ’s on mobile game ads. Do the people who design these ads really think that I’ll miss the ⓧ, get taken to the app store and just give up and say, “well, since I’m here I might as well purchase this app for $17.” Really? 
31. Politics. I don’t care if you don’t like gun laws or want more gun laws or don’t think there are enough gun laws. Just don’t talk to me about it because I would rather talk about other things. 
32. Pencil sharpeners that make the lead fall out of my pencil after I sharpen it. Like, it’ll make the lead too wide, so it kinda just plops out when I try to write something. I know for a fact that this doesn’t happen to just me. 
33. African cobalt mines. They’re bad, in case you weren’t aware. 
34. When everybody loves a show I don’t like and they won’t stop talking about it. Yes, I am aware that you like Game of Thrones. After all, you’ve only brought it up TWELVE TIMES ALREADY IN THE LAST TWO HOURS. 
35. People that hate furries. They’re really not that bad, guys. Weird, sure, but as long as they’re not bothering anyone, who cares? 
36. Overbearing weeaboos. No, I’m not going to watch Demon Slayer. No, it’s not “peak fiction.” Yes, I’m going to leave now. 
37. Restaurants with “service fees.” What the heck is a service fee even supposed to be? Is that not just a tip? 
38. When I’m waiting to absolutely wreck a boss with my special attack, and it decides to die from burn damage the next turn instead. Yeah, it really doesn’t get much worse than this. 
39. The fact that 47% of the people on Earth live in poverty. As it turns out, there are, shockingly, worse things than minor inconveniences. Who would’ve thought? 
40. Philosophers. “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” What? What is that even supposed to mean, Nietzsche? Does anything philosophers think about even matter? I pity those unfortunate enough to think it would be fun to major in this. 
41. Slam poetry. Any poetry that doesn’t rhyme shouldn’t be considered poetry. Slam poetry is literally just waltzing up onto a stage, vomiting random words and phrases, and then waiting for other people to figure out what any of it means. It’s garbage. 
42. You, probably. As long as you exist and are a human, I probably don’t like you. It’s nothing personal: I hate everyone equally. Except Hitler, who’s extra naughty. 
43. Getting no homework every day for months, only to then receive four essays in a single day. Holy bananas, people. How hard is it to just coordinate these things? 
44. People who don’t pick up their dog’s poop. You know you’re not being all that discreet, right? I just watched you walk away from that. 
45. Babies. Pop quiz: what cries, poops, is completely useless and expensive, and will likely grow up to contribute to the steadily worsening housing crisis? Being kind of cute doesn’t make up for that. 
46. When I lose a game because my wifi went out, but no one believes me. It’s, like, the most age-old cop out you could possibly choose. Can I really blame my teammates for assuming it’s an excuse? 
47. Filth. I’ll never understand how some people live in complete pigsties. Bathe, wash your clothes, clean your room; this isn’t rocket science, people. 
48. The fact that I’m probably never going to run out of ideas for this stupid list. I’m 48 of these darn complaints in, and I’m not even close to being stuck. I could probably vomit out 1,000 things I hate in a single sitting. 
49. Group projects. I’m a person who finishes their work as fast as possible so that I don’t have to worry about it later. As you’d probably expect, there’s nothing I love more than showing up to class, ready to present, only to discover that the 70 percent of the project I wasn’t responsible for didn’t get done. It’s not even a surprise at this point. 
50. Crazy Frog. I would gladly go to prison for the rest of my life if it meant I got to squeeze the life out of this obnoxious amphibian and his infuriatingly terrible music. 
51. Daylight savings time. Why does time have to change, exactly? Why can’t it always just be the same? Do we really need to make things harder than they already are? 
52. I have to be an adult soon. Taxes. Bills. Crippling depression. Unfulfillment. Being a corporate slave. No thanks, I think I’ll just go the way of Peter Pan. Now where can I get some elf shoes? 
53. Hasbro is STILL milking Monopoly. Seriously, how many different terrible variations of this decent game do we need? Is a One Direction Monopoly really necessary? Who the heck is buying this garbage? 
54. Burning fossil fuels only yields 40 percent of the potential energy. The other 60 percent just… goes to waste. It’s just sad, really. 
55. The government. For reasons I shouldn’t really need to explain. 
56. Hangnails. I notice it >>> I tell myself not to pull it >>> I pull it >>> *unholy screeching* 
57. Piñatas are a scam. Why is it that the person who breaks it always gets the least candy since they’re blindfolded and holding a bat? By the time they’re ready to scramble, the goodies are gone. This is outrageous. It’s unfair! 
58. Male peacocks. Why do these conceited birds feel the need to constantly show off. You have pretty feathers, we get it. I hope you get eaten by a tiger. 
59. Slow walkers. GO FASTER YOU ABSOLUTE SLUG, OR I SWEAR I’M GOING TO DEFENESTRATE YOU. 
60. My crippling fear of rejection. You know how sometimes you want to talk to a person, but your brain convinces you that they’ll hate you for even getting near them so you just leave instead. No? Just me? Okay. 
61. Friendly people. After all, the happier you are, the less I like you. I have yet to meet an extrovert that wasn’t a pain to be around in at least some way. 
62. Strep throat. I distinctly remember the time when I was 12 and my family was on a road trip. We were somewhere in Maryland when I got strep, and I recall the following week being disgustingly unpleasant, in large part thanks to the fact that swallowing and eating were off limits. 
63. American health care. Ambulances might as well just be hearses at this point, because you aren’t going to recover from that debt! $4,000 for a sore throat. Only $1,000 if you request an itemized bill. Sounds about right. 
64. Porch pirates. Do you not have enough packages of your own? Do you even know what you’re stealing? Do you really need that pink elephant humidifier? 
65. Essays exceeding 500 words. I’ve never really had much of a problem with writing long, intelligent works, but that doesn’t mean I like doing it. There’s nothing better than wasting away on a beautiful Sunday morning with a 2,000 word essay due on Monday. I only enjoy writing things that I want to write. Things such as, you know, long lists divulging my many dislikes. 
66. The word ‘palindrome’ isn’t a palindrome. I took a racecar to complete my civic duties. I had to use my radar to find a kayak to arrive in time. “Sorry I’m late, madam,” I said. “A man, a plan, a canal: Panama,” said the ma’am. “No lemon, no melon,” I responded. “Never odd or even,” said the woman. I couldn’t even refer to my mom or dad for help. 
67. Humans. We’re a terrible species. 
68. Street rats. Pet rats are actually quite nice and intelligent. Street rats in New York City or basically any third world country are a whole different breed. Don’t mess with Splinter, or you’ll get the cane. 
69. The original Goldfish flavor. They may be smiling at me, but I sure as heck ain’t smiling back. 
70. Gullible people. Gullible people are always the easiest to gaslight. What? No, I never said anything about gullible people being easy to gaslight. You must have misread something; do you need your eyes checked? 
71. Bad microphones. “Hello and welcome to the%@uuhgfk-fhjbb+kdbda.dmo;J’FPQjr’p wh%;#ujr owh..? BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT-” 
72. Spoilers. It’s one thing when someone gives something away by accident, but it’s another entirely when someone actively spoils a major plot point knowing full well that they’re ruining your day. Just… keep it to yourself, man. 
73. MLA Citation Format. Why exactly do I need to organize my sources in this unnecessarily specific way? How about I just give you a link, yeah? Ok, I’m just going to go ahead and do that. 
74. Idiots. Why yes, I do hate myself! How did you know? 
75. Calculus. Math was already bad enough when it was just numbers. Did we really need to infuse multiple alphabets as well? What is ∂ even supposed to mean? 
76. When I try to take all the groceries in one trip but I drop one (or many). Taking more than one trip is a cardinal sin. Having to return to the car more than once is a truly shameful thing. 
77. People who blatantly disregard social cues. If there’s one thing I love hearing about, it’s your intestinal hernia. By all means, continue. 
78. Parasites. *Violently vomits* 
79. Looking at the sun after exiting a movie theater. If you’re looking (or not looking, I guess) to blind yourself, there are better ways. 
80. Red. Why is this such a popular color? I don’t even really know why I don’t like it; it’s just… aggravating. 
81. Barber shop antics. When the barber asks if I like my new bowl cut, and I say yes, because I’m too awkward to say anything else. I guess this is my life now. 
82. Long lines. Look, I like amusement parks as much as the next guy, but honestly, I think I’d rather just take a walk in the park rather than wait in line for three hours for a ten second ride. 
83. Selfish people. I just 
84. can’t stand people who take 
85. more than they need. 
86. Hypocrites. You know what else I can’t stand? People who criticize others for something they do. The nerve of some people. 
87. The Paparazzi. When I grow up, I want to take pictures of famous people’s personal lives like a creep in order to spread misinformation and propaganda. On the plus side, Weird Al made a song about them. So that’s cool, I guess. 
88. Rich people. If life really is a game, then rich people are cheating. The real question is how do they keep getting away with it (The correct answer is lawyers)? 
89. Locked bathrooms. No man or woman should ever require a key in order to use the bathroom. Food, water, shelter, and a toilet: the four necessities of life. 
90. “Access denied.” Looks like somebody forgot to change the permissions. Well, guess I can’t do my work. What a shame. 
91. Advertisements. The year is 2074, and you’re just going about your daily business. Suddenly, two thirty-second unskippable insurance ads are projected straight into your temporal lobe, startling you and causing you to stumble into a telephone pole. You wake up in the hospital, never to walk again. That fortune teller was right all those years ago… Farmers Insurance was your ultimate undoing. 
92. New Jersey. Of all the United States of America, New Jersey certainly is one of them. Did you know that state law denies you the right to pump your own gas? It’s well known that pumping gas is a natural right, along with life, liberty, and property; New Jersey should be removed from the Union and attacked as punishment for violating the US Constitution. 
93. Comic Sans. Who invented this awful font and then proceeded to think that it was a genuinely good idea? Anyone who uses Comic Sans is objectively an absolute buffoon. 
94. When my work doesn’t save. This usually happens because the wifi goes out for no particular reason. Or perhaps I’ve just somehow managed to incur the wrath of Parvum Molliverbum, the almighty God of Microsoft Word. 
95. Emojis. Emojis never contribute anything to a conversation. The only ones I ever use are the skull and the moai head, which are also useless, but at least those ones are funny. 
96. The Water Temple. To be fair, it’s actually pretty fun on the 3DS, which really only emphasizes how miserable the original is. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ocarina of Time, but having to open the menu every single time I needed to equip the Iron Boots got really old, really fast. At least Dark Link was cool, I guess. 
97. “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.” No, you don’t. Anyone who wants to be within ten feet of a hippopotamus doesn’t know a whole lot about hippopotami. I sincerely hope this stupid little girl gets her hippopotamus so that she also receives the rude awakening that’s coming her way. 
98. Finally having time to play a game, only for the game to decide it’s a great time for a 300 GB update. Awesome. I guess I’ll just go outside and touch grass then. 
99. Cartoon suns wearing sunglasses. Fun fact: sunglasses are used to protect one’s eyes from sunlight. With that in mind, in what universe would THE ACTUAL SUN ever need them? 
100. Me. I suck. And I’m allowed to be mean to myself. My body, my choice! 
101. The endless marching of time that’s dragging us all towards an endless, desolate, nightmare in the void. It’s all going to end one day, and there’s nothing any of us can do to stop it. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe we were never meant to truly exist in this plane of reality. Maybe it’s for the best. There’s just no way we can know until it finally happens. And it will… we just don’t know when. 
102. People who don’t abide by their own rules. Couldn’t be me.

Congratulations. You’ve made it to the end of this article (am I even allowed to call this an article?). If your brain is not completely numb at this point, I’m impressed.

Okay, whatever. I’m done. I won’t keep you trapped in this meaningless spiral of word vomit any longer. Maybe go try and find something you actually like about the world. And if your search leads you back here, then, hey, maybe we can just hate everything together. 🗿