Being confident is so much more than being pretty. graphic by Sony Calhoun
My advice on how to be your most confident self.
Nobody is born with insecurity. We are born sure of ourselves, with no awareness or knowledge of external judgment; we are born feeling completely whole. Throughout our lives, the outside world brings us down. Society teaches us to hate ourselves, who we are, and how we look. We spend our lives feeling the intangible pressure of everybody else, but it doesn’t have to be this way. No matter who tears us down, the response we should all have is the same, to bring ourselves back up. The world teaches us how to hate ourselves, but do we ever learn how to love who we are? Loving yourself isn’t easy, but you can take actionable steps to feel proud of who you are.
Insecurities most often come from external judgment. Whether it’s a friend, family members, our significant other, or even a stranger on the internet, almost everybody can recall when they became insecure about themselves after somebody else made a critical comment.
Another way insecurity develops is through comparison. There are currently around eight billion people on this planet, and everybody has a unique face that is totally their own. Somehow, a small percentage of people become celebrities and then become the new “standard” for the rest of the world. The crazy thing is, even celebrities don’t look like themselves. These people are clad in heavy makeup, photographed in a well lit studio with the best quality cameras, and then photo edited by multiple people before their face reaches your phone screen. But by the time it does, we forget the whole process that went into that photo, and subconsciously feel “less than.”
The first step you can take to becoming more confident is to realize that you are your own biggest critic. In fact, half of the negative things you perceive about yourself likely have never even crossed the minds of anybody around you. Once we become insecure from an external critique, we tend to spiral and search for other “flaws” that we may have. The thing is, if you look into a mirror with the intent of finding an imperfection, you’re going to find one, every time without fail. That’s why the quickest thing you can do to increase your self confidence is to look inwards, and check how you talk about yourself.
Of course, investing in yourself can help you increase your self confidence. However, investing in yourself does not have to be fancy. Maybe it’s a new skincare routine, or trying to get in the gym a few times a week. Anything you can do to take care of yourself and make yourself feel good is an investment. Journaling and working on your mental health is an investment. Spending time learning about what foods make your body feel good and strong is an investment. Doing your hair and makeup for your own personal enjoyment is an investment. Investing in yourself is a double win because while you’re filling up your own cup, you’re showing other people how to treat you.
When you treat yourself like you’re important, they will believe your portrayal of yourself and follow suit. However, no matter how beautiful you are, how much money you have, how talented you are, and how charismatic you are, there are still going to be people who don’t like you, and will try to knock you down. The best way to cope with this is to realize that those people don’t know your full story, just like you don’t know theirs. Have you ever been assigned a book report in English class, but didn’t read the book? You still need to complete the assignment, so you quickly search the internet for a summary of the book you read. You change the words a bit on the summary, and submit the assignment. When the grade for the assignment came back, it probably wasn’t too good. The same goes for people who are trying to knock you down. They don’t know the full book, so they can’t make an accurate summary. You don’t have to conform to other people’s beliefs about yourself, because they are only thoughts, not facts.
My final advice for developing confidence is to be kind to other people. Being kind to other people not only makes the outside world a better place, but can also make your inner world a better place. You can always carry the pride knowing that you chose to be kind to other people, even when they are not kind to you.
Always remember to stay true to yourself, and who you are. It gives you a special kind of glow that no filter or beauty product could deliver. The world is cruel; choose not to be.
